Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Wow, where has the time gone? I can´t believe it´s November already! That means that I´m only 5 1/2 weeks away from going home for the Christmas holidays...I can´t wait!!!
Not too much going on in our lives, as usual. I have become a once or twice a month blogger instead of a once or twice a week blogger. Oh well.
I´m still teaching part time at the school and enjoying my classes. Abe is still working full time, although they are almost finished with the project they are working on, so he thinks either this week or next week will be his last week. He has already started sending out resumes to find his next position.
We are still serving in the ushers group at church. There is a possibility that I might be joining the praise and worship band in the next few months or so playing the keyboard. I took piano lessons for over 10 years and have always enjoyed playing. The other Sunday I saw a keyboard up on stage (which normally isn´t there), so I asked the Pastor who would be playing it. He said he didn´t have anyone yet, but that he had been praying for someone to step forward and offer to play it. So I volunteered :-) It will take a few months of studying all the praise and worship material, meetings with the Pastor, and lots of praying before I actually join, but I just feel flattered and honored to even be considered for this opportunity. So we shall see how the next few months go.
This past weekend we went to a friend´s wedding in San Carlos. It was at a beach resort hotel. Actually, the same resort that Abe and I were considering getting married at way back when. It was a beautiful ceremony and we had fun sharing in their special day with all our other church friends.
Now on to the bad news. Because what is life without something bad, right? On October 19th, Abe and I found out that I was pregnant again. We were thrilled! We had been praying so much and so hard and were just so excited! I did everything right and was ready and prepared this time. We were looking forward to announcing it at Christmas.
Well, unfortunately, life/God had other plans in mind. On October 27th, at only 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I had my second miscarriage. So we now have two little angels watching over us in heaven. With the first miscarriage, I was absolutely devastated. With this one, I´m sad, but more than anything, I´m angry, frustrated, and confused. I just don´t understand why this happened again. I´m only 24 and I´m healthy. This shouldn´t happen two times in 6 months. I know it´s not for me to understand, but of course the human in me wants an answer. So we went to the doctor, paid her to show us my empty uterus on the ultrasound machine and tell us that there was nothing there. No crap Sherlock, tell me something I don´t already know. I´ve had a miscarriage before. I know what they´re like and when I´m experiencing one. Thanks. She then proceeded to give me the genius advice of, ¨Relax, it will happen. Don´t think about it so much. Don´t obsess about it. Find a second job or something else to keep you busy. It wasn´t a real pregnancy anyway. Nothing happened.¨ It took all the restraint and self-composure I had to not slap her from here into next week!
For those who don´t know, the above advice is the absolute WORST thing you could tell someone going through a loss. Please don´t ever say any of the above to any who´s had a loss or is trying to conceive. Please!!! First of all, none of that advice works. I´ve tried relaxing. I still lost the baby. Having a healthy baby is the one thing that I want most in this life, more than anything, so telling me not to think about it is just dumb. It´s like telling someone not to breathe. For the record, I´m not obsessing about this. I just prefer to be very well educated about anything pregnancy related, which I think is smart, to be prepared. There´s a big difference between having knowledge and being obsessed. So shove it doc. And I already stay plenty busy enough. Since you know NOTHING about my personal life. Stupid woman. Bull**** that it wasn´t a real pregnancy. I took a pregnancy test. There were two lines. That means my body is producing pregnancy hormones. Genius. And maybe nothing happened to you doctor, but something definitely happened to me. I lost my second child!!! So don´t you dare tell me that it´s okay when you´re not in my shoes and you have no idea how I feel!!! Okay, rant over, just wanted to get all that out :-)I have an appointment with a new doctor (who comes highly recommended) on Monday. So hopefully he will be willing to listen to what I want, do some testing, and help me figure out why I can get pregnant so easily but I can´t seem to stay pregnant.
And on that note, it has now been almost 6 months since our first loss and I have an empty uterus and empty arms to show for it, and two dead babies. Sweet. To all the women out there who have children, please, please, I beg of you, be thankful for them. Cherish them, love them, appreciate them, take good care of them. Because as frustrating as they may be and as much as they may drive you crazy, the alternative to that is being in my shoes and having two dead children. So please, enjoy each and every moment with them and thank God for how lucky you are to have them living. And to all those women out there who are pregnant, enjoy each and every day of your pregnancy. Thank God for giving you the miracle of life inside you. Realize how lucky, fortunate, and truly blessed you are. And please know that I would give ANYTHING to be in your position. So please don´t complain about all the things that come with pregnancy. Instead, be grateful that your baby is healthy and growing, because it could be much, much worse. Trust me. I know :-(
To end on a happy note, Mona is doing well. She is growing and has gotten a lot bigger and fatter. She is super playful and loves to chew on anything and everything. I also have lots of lovely scratches all over me from her. We will be taking her back to the vet this weekend to have her next set of shots. She´s now about 2-2 1/2 months old. And I love her more and more everyday :-) She is my little buddy and always knows how to make me smile and laugh.
Well, we are off to church now. Hope everyone is doing well and God bless. Until next time...