Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I´m a little late with this,(due to being sick again) but Sunday 12/12, was our 1 year wedding anniversary! I can´t believe we´ve been married one year already! Sometimes it feels like we´ve been married forever and then other times it seems like it was just yesterday that we were in the church saying our vows.
They say that the first year is the most difficult and boy, they are not kidding! This year has been extremely difficult. Quitting my job, being unemployed for 7 months, losing two babies, the stress and strain of living thousands of miles away from your family and friends...all of these can make a marriage have problems. And I´m not going to lie and say this first year was perfect. Because it wasn´t. We have our problems, just like every other healthy, normal marriage. But we worked through them, with God´s help, and we are stronger and even more in love than before.
I´m so grateful to my husband for putting up with me this past year. I know I haven´t been an easy person to be around, as it´s been a very emotional, hard year, but he has been my rock and he has been so wonderful and I´m so lucky and blessed to have him in my life.
I know that if we made it through this year, we can get through anything together, as long as we have God at the center of our marriage. I´m looking forward to celebrating many more years together!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Today is my parent´s 30th wedding anniversary! Congratulations and Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! I love you both and I hope that Abe and I can have a marriage that is as happy, loving, and long lasting as yours! Can´t wait to see you guys in a week and a half :-)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
I have so many things to be thankful for this year. Even though it has been a very rough year, I´m trying to stay optimistic and look at all the things that I do have, rather than the 1 thing that I don´t have that I want (a baby). So, here is my thankful list: God, His mercy, love, grace, forgiveness, kindness, compassion, blessings, and miracles, my life and health, my husband, my two angel babies, my family, my friends, both of my churches, my job, my house, my cars, etc., etc., the list goes on and on. Maybe next year I can add a living, healthy baby to this list. One can only hope :-)
Enjoy this day and remember to give thanks for all that you have in your life!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Teaching is still going well, I´m now teaching some night classes, since we don´t have very many morning classes anymore. Abe finished his engineering project and is now looking for a new job. The only problem is, we will be gone for 3 weeks over the holidays, so I doubt any company will want to hire him now, have him start for 4 weeks and then give him 3 weeks of vacation. So he´s basically in limbo until we return in January. He´s just been helping his mom out at the school and doing errands and such for her. Which means money is very tight for us for the next two months or so :-/
On Wednesday of this week I went to the lab to have some blood drawn for the tests my new OBGYN ordered. We should have the results back next Friday, the 26th, so hopefully we will find out what the heck is going on with my body...why I can get pregnant so easily but can´t seem to stay pregnant. I´m anxious to find out some answers and figure out a solution. Obviously patience is not my forte :-)
Abe and I have now been married for 11 months! I can´t believe we´re almost at a year! 2010 has flown by! Lots of ups and downs this year and I´m looking foward to seeing what 2011 has in store for us.
As far as the future goes...I know originally I had mentioned that we would be sending in Abe´s paperwork for his visa hopefully at the beginning of 2011. I think that´s still the plan, but we´re very relaxed about the whole situation. We´re kind of taking a laid back approach to it and we know that God will lead us and guide us in the right direction and He will make it clear to us when He is ready for us to move and where He wants us to go and what He wants us to do. As of right now, we are content where we are. Of course I miss the US and definitely want to move back there eventually, we´ll just see how things go over the next few months :-)
Our kitten Mona is doing well. She is getting so big! She loves to play, chew, bite, run, jump, etc. Some of her favorite things include: sitting on Mommy´s lap while she´s on the computer, jumping into the trashcan and pulling out pieces of trash to play with, jumping up and playing with the strings that hang from the blinds, sitting on the bookcase and staring out the window, eating insects (gross, I know) and just being an all-around adorable, lovable little girl :-)
Until next time folks, God bless!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Wow, where has the time gone? I can´t believe it´s November already! That means that I´m only 5 1/2 weeks away from going home for the Christmas holidays...I can´t wait!!!
Not too much going on in our lives, as usual. I have become a once or twice a month blogger instead of a once or twice a week blogger. Oh well.
I´m still teaching part time at the school and enjoying my classes. Abe is still working full time, although they are almost finished with the project they are working on, so he thinks either this week or next week will be his last week. He has already started sending out resumes to find his next position.
We are still serving in the ushers group at church. There is a possibility that I might be joining the praise and worship band in the next few months or so playing the keyboard. I took piano lessons for over 10 years and have always enjoyed playing. The other Sunday I saw a keyboard up on stage (which normally isn´t there), so I asked the Pastor who would be playing it. He said he didn´t have anyone yet, but that he had been praying for someone to step forward and offer to play it. So I volunteered :-) It will take a few months of studying all the praise and worship material, meetings with the Pastor, and lots of praying before I actually join, but I just feel flattered and honored to even be considered for this opportunity. So we shall see how the next few months go.
This past weekend we went to a friend´s wedding in San Carlos. It was at a beach resort hotel. Actually, the same resort that Abe and I were considering getting married at way back when. It was a beautiful ceremony and we had fun sharing in their special day with all our other church friends.
Now on to the bad news. Because what is life without something bad, right? On October 19th, Abe and I found out that I was pregnant again. We were thrilled! We had been praying so much and so hard and were just so excited! I did everything right and was ready and prepared this time. We were looking forward to announcing it at Christmas.
Well, unfortunately, life/God had other plans in mind. On October 27th, at only 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I had my second miscarriage. So we now have two little angels watching over us in heaven. With the first miscarriage, I was absolutely devastated. With this one, I´m sad, but more than anything, I´m angry, frustrated, and confused. I just don´t understand why this happened again. I´m only 24 and I´m healthy. This shouldn´t happen two times in 6 months. I know it´s not for me to understand, but of course the human in me wants an answer. So we went to the doctor, paid her to show us my empty uterus on the ultrasound machine and tell us that there was nothing there. No crap Sherlock, tell me something I don´t already know. I´ve had a miscarriage before. I know what they´re like and when I´m experiencing one. Thanks. She then proceeded to give me the genius advice of, ¨Relax, it will happen. Don´t think about it so much. Don´t obsess about it. Find a second job or something else to keep you busy. It wasn´t a real pregnancy anyway. Nothing happened.¨ It took all the restraint and self-composure I had to not slap her from here into next week!
For those who don´t know, the above advice is the absolute WORST thing you could tell someone going through a loss. Please don´t ever say any of the above to any who´s had a loss or is trying to conceive. Please!!! First of all, none of that advice works. I´ve tried relaxing. I still lost the baby. Having a healthy baby is the one thing that I want most in this life, more than anything, so telling me not to think about it is just dumb. It´s like telling someone not to breathe. For the record, I´m not obsessing about this. I just prefer to be very well educated about anything pregnancy related, which I think is smart, to be prepared. There´s a big difference between having knowledge and being obsessed. So shove it doc. And I already stay plenty busy enough. Since you know NOTHING about my personal life. Stupid woman. Bull**** that it wasn´t a real pregnancy. I took a pregnancy test. There were two lines. That means my body is producing pregnancy hormones. Genius. And maybe nothing happened to you doctor, but something definitely happened to me. I lost my second child!!! So don´t you dare tell me that it´s okay when you´re not in my shoes and you have no idea how I feel!!! Okay, rant over, just wanted to get all that out :-)I have an appointment with a new doctor (who comes highly recommended) on Monday. So hopefully he will be willing to listen to what I want, do some testing, and help me figure out why I can get pregnant so easily but I can´t seem to stay pregnant.
And on that note, it has now been almost 6 months since our first loss and I have an empty uterus and empty arms to show for it, and two dead babies. Sweet. To all the women out there who have children, please, please, I beg of you, be thankful for them. Cherish them, love them, appreciate them, take good care of them. Because as frustrating as they may be and as much as they may drive you crazy, the alternative to that is being in my shoes and having two dead children. So please, enjoy each and every moment with them and thank God for how lucky you are to have them living. And to all those women out there who are pregnant, enjoy each and every day of your pregnancy. Thank God for giving you the miracle of life inside you. Realize how lucky, fortunate, and truly blessed you are. And please know that I would give ANYTHING to be in your position. So please don´t complain about all the things that come with pregnancy. Instead, be grateful that your baby is healthy and growing, because it could be much, much worse. Trust me. I know :-(
To end on a happy note, Mona is doing well. She is growing and has gotten a lot bigger and fatter. She is super playful and loves to chew on anything and everything. I also have lots of lovely scratches all over me from her. We will be taking her back to the vet this weekend to have her next set of shots. She´s now about 2-2 1/2 months old. And I love her more and more everyday :-) She is my little buddy and always knows how to make me smile and laugh.
Well, we are off to church now. Hope everyone is doing well and God bless. Until next time...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Well I started off the month being sick again. Big surprise. Missed two days of class :-( Feeling much better now. Still enjoying teaching in the mornings :-)
October is a big birthday month for my family. My grandfather´s (on my mom´s side) birthday was the 5th, my uncle´s (on my mom´s side) the 9th, my aunt´s (on my dad´s side) the 12th and tomorrow is my Dad´s birthday. Happy early 53rd Birthday Old Man!!! :-)
Two other very important dates fall in October. The first one is the 10th. This is the anniversary of the death of my aunt (on my mom´s side). She died 10/10/06 from cancer at the age of 49. I can´t believe it´s been 4 years already. Not a day goes by that I don´t think about her or my other loved ones in heaven.
The second important date is the 15th, which as I mentioned in my previous post, is National Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. I think I already talked enough about this in my other post. All I will say is that I will be thinking about all those who have lost a baby and keeping them in my prayers <3
Last weekend we went to a combined Bachelorette/Bachelor party for some friends from church. We had a nice time with good friends and food! The wedding will be October 29th in San Carlos (the beach!) at the same hotel that Abe and I were considering getting married at! I´m looking forward to it.
We recently became part of the ¨servant¨ group at church. This is a group of leaders, teachers, helpers, etc. within the church. We are now ushers and help greet people, seat them, pray for them, etc. I am really enjoying it so far and I´m looking forward to all the doors that God will open through this serving experience!
We decided to give Mona (our new kitten) a bath the other night because she smelled so bad. Not a smart idea! Let me just say that bathing a kitten in your kitchen sink is not any fun. She was miserable, the poor thing cried and whined and moaned the whole time while trying to scratch and claw her way out of our hands. When we finished she smelled so good! But now she´s back to being stinky again. Oh well. Today we took her to the vet for the first time. She got a vaccine and some sort of foamy stuff put into her mouth (I think it was an antiparasite medicine or something). We have to take her back next month for more shots. She did really well though, despite being super scared and scratching my arm to death!
Abe and I bought our plane tickets to go back to South Carolina for Christmas! (Or should I say, my wonderful, sweet, loving father bought our tickets for us!) We will be back in the United States from Friday December 17th until Wednesday January 5th. I´m so excited! I miss my family, friends, church and home so much!!!
We also went and printed off all the forms that we need to send in to get Abe´s greencard (immigrant visa). We intend to fill them out and get all our documents ready and send it all in to the Juarez Embassy in January. From there, we just wait until they contact us for an interview. Then we travel up to Juarez. Then more waiting to find out if we are approved, if we are, more waiting until they send the visa. Our plan is to move back to Charleston sometime in 2011 or maybe early 2012, depending on how long the process takes. I have heard it can take anywhere from 2 months to a year. So we shall see.
Not too much else going on in our life right now. Abe is still working full time as a civil engineer. We are still trying to get pregnant. Just trying to stay patient, have faith in God, and know that it will happen when the time is right. Anyway, that´s all I´ve got for now. Thanks for reading and I´ll try to be more regular with this blog! :-)
P.S. I tried to add some pictures, but our internet is acting up and won´t let me post them :-( Sorry! I´ll put them up next time
Friday, October 1, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
This is my third Independence Day here in Hermosillo and I really enjoy this holiday. Usually on the night of the 15th, there is a big party in the main square downtown with lots of music, food, fireworks, lights, etc. We went my first two times, but we didn´t go last night because we were tired (yeah, we´re old!).
Also, our church here has a Fiesta Mexicana on the night of the 15th where everyone brings delicious Mexican food, we have a talent show, people dress up in costumes, and of course we pray for Mexico, all it´s leaders, it´s people, etc. Last night we didn´t end up leaving church until 11:30pm so we were both tired and decided to go home, since we both had to work today. Even though today is a national holiday recognized by the government and most places and schools are closed, Abe´s worked today and will have a half day tomorrow. (My ¨work¨ is teacher training at Fast n Easy, the English school that is run by my brother-in-law and mother-in-law. Starting next week, I am going to be teaching again, part-time, from 7-11 in the mornings!)
Here is a picture from the Fiesta Mexicana at church last night (I´ll try to add more as I find them from previous years...): I had green and red earrings, my hair in braids (typical old school Mexican) and a shirt with the Mexican flag that said ¨¡Viva México!¨ I totally look Mexican, right? :-)
P.S. I know I mentioned this on Facebook, but for all those who don´t know, my brother Michael got engaged last weekend to his girlfriend Sam! Not sure when they are planning on having the wedding, but I´m so excited and happy for them! My little brother is all grown up now :-( That must mean I´m getting old!!!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
My highs for the week:
-I started researching/looking into all the steps and paperwork that need to get done for Abe to get his visa to work and live in the US. We are going to get started on this long journey in the next few months. We hope to be back in the US within the next year or two. But we´ll see how it goes. I´m just excited thinking about it! I know it will be a long, difficult, and expensive process, but I have faith that everything will work out perfectly.
-I received a message from a girl I worked with at Lutheridge last summer who was with me on one of our road trips (I was the road Area Director). She had to write a paper for one of her classes about leaders that inspired her and she picked me as one of the people she wrote about! She sent me a copy of her paper and I was just touched, honored and flattered. She had such sweet things to say about me, it really made my day. You never know who´s life you will touch. I thought I was just doing my job, but I made an impact in her life and that makes me feel great!
-One of the online message boards that I am a part of decided to have a gift exchange. I just received my gift this week. It was a beautiful silver necklace with three things on it. The first is a big silver circle that says 12-25-10, which was my estimated due date for the baby. The second is a smaller circle with two little feet on it in memory of the baby. And the third is a beautiful blue stone, the birthstone for December. I love the necklace and it is such a sweet reminder of my little angel. I will try to post a picture of it soon.
My low for the week: Hmm...Nothing really jumps to my mind, I guess it´s just super hot and dry, like always and money is a little tight. Nothing too major though.
Where I saw God this week: I felt like He was speaking to me through my friend and her sweet message, saying ¨Good job, Megan, you served me well and spread my Word to others and touched their lives¨. It made me very proud to be His servant and worker and I pray that I will continue to reach others´ lives because of His presence in me.
I hope everyone is having a great week! To all my family and friends in the US, I miss you and love you and can´t wait to see you and be home for a few weeks at Christmas! :-)
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
So, here´s my week so far:
My highs for the week:
-Two of my friends (who have both had previous miscarriages) just found out they are pregnant! I am very happy and excited for them!
-I am enjoying teaching again. It´s nice to feel productive, needed, and useful. I haven´t taught in a school since the end of January, so it´s been a while. I love the feeling I get when I explain something to the students that they didn´t understand before. I love being able to help them, using my gifts and talents! It´s a great high!
-Abe sprayed our house with pesticide so hopefully no more cockroaches or black widows! And yes, we do have lots of black widows. I see some probably every week. Our back patio is covered with dead cockroaches. And when I say there are probably 80 dead ones out there, I´m not exaggerating at all! It´s an interesting sight to see!
My low for this week: Two friends who were pregnant (one who has had a previous miscarriage), lost their babies this week. It just breaks my heart that this kind of thing even happens. It´s something that I don´t understand, but I just have to trust that God has it under control. They will continue to be in my prayers.
Where I saw God this week: This week I felt God in my marriage. I felt Him giving me strength and patience, even when things got frustrating. I really feel like He is in this with us and always present.
Well, I´m off to cook dinner before class tonight, until next time! :-)
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
My highs for the week:
-Spending time with a friend who I haven´t hung out with /talked to in a while
-Receiving lots of positive feedback/support/love from my loss story and about my blog in general (thanks to everyone who reads and who sends support!)
My low for the week: I don´t want to get into detail, but I just want to say that life is tough sometimes. And that includes marriage. Specifically the first year. But I have faith in God and I know that He will get us through anything that comes our way if we just trust in Him. I love my husband deeply and that will never change.
Where I saw God: This week I saw God in my friendships. Being able to talk/vent to a good friend here in Mexico, I really felt His presence through her and I appreciate her being there for me and listening. And I also saw God through two good friends that I´ve met online. They have been there for me since I´ve ¨met¨ them and they have been sending lots of love, prayers, and positive thoughts my way and I am very thankful for them. I think we all need good friends in our lives and I´m so thankful for all the great friends that God has given me.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
We got married in December ´09. We initially had decided to wait one year before trying to conceive. But we also kind of took the ¨we´re not going to do anything to prevent it, so if it happens, it happens¨ approach. Lo and behold, 4 months into our marriage, I got pregnant. I felt so blessed and was so thankful that it happened so quickly. I was thrilled. Abe was more nervous and scared. But either way, we were happy and excited.
I thought it was just meant to be considering we conceived on/around Easter and I would be due on Christmas Day. (For a Christian, these are probably two of the most important days of the year, so for me, these were both big signs from God.) Each morning before Abe would leave for work and every night when he came home from work, he would kiss my belly and talk to it and tell it that he loves it. It was so cute and sweet. We scheduled my first OBGYN appointment for May 5th. I started to eat healthier, exercised more, read books about pregnancy, started a belly journal, started buying baby clothes and maternity clothes...basically just imagining that in about 8 months we would have our perfect, precious, healthy baby and that everything would be fine up until then.
Well, news flash folks, life is not perfect, nor is pregnancy. And I have to admit that I am so jealous of all the women who get to have a smooth, normal, perfect pregnancy. What I wouldn´t give...
So anyways, Tuesday May 4th, I start experiencing some spotting. Of course we call the doctor, me being the worrywart/hypochondriac that I am. Doctor says, oh don´t worry, it´s fine, spotting is normal, no big deal. I called my mom (because every girl still needs her mom no matter what her age, right?) Also, I wanted my mom´s advice because before she had me, she had a miscarriage and I wanted to know what it was like and what she experienced. Unfortunately she told me hers began with spotting. Great. I tried not to dwell on it, did a ton of praying, but just had this bad, uneasy feeling in my stomach.
The next day, May 5th, I had full on bleeding and cramping. Wonderful, I thought, bye bye baby. I just knew I was having a miscarriage and the baby was gone. We went to the doctor that evening for our scheduled appointment and told her what was going on. I was prepared for the worst. She decided to do an ultrasound just to make sure. Miracle of miracles, the baby was still in there and we heard/saw the hearbeat on the monitor!!! All my hope was restored. She said I had a threatened miscarriage, which basically means there is a chance of losing the baby. She prescribed some hormones and other medications to me and put me on bedrest for the next few days. Well, turns out it was all in vain. After we got home from buying all the medicine from the pharmacy, I went to use the bathroom and there was the sac with my baby in it. Let me just say that seeing your own child, no matter how little it is, dead, just rips your heart out. We were devastated.
We went back to the doctor the next week for a followup and the ultrasound showed that my uterus was completely empty. Fortunately, my body had gotten rid of everything on its own in a very quick manner and there was no need for surgery or drugs. I was so proud of myself that day for not crying once in the doctor´s office. I managed to hold in my tears until we left the building. And then I bawled. The doctor here in Mexico told us to wait three months before trying again. My doctor in the US said we could try again as soon as I got my first period after the miscarriage.
Losing a child makes you realize how much you really wanted one in the first place, but maybe weren´t aware of it. We both agreed that we wanted to try again as soon as we could. So we have been trying now since June and we will continue to try until we have the family that we want more than anything in this world.
To all my friends and family in real life who have asked me about this, let me open up and talk to you, who have shown sympathy, who have let me cry to you, who have asked me how I´ve been doing in the past 3 months, who have prayed for Abe and I...I give many, many thanks. I am so grateful for each and every one of you and I cherish your friendship. It is so nice to know that during difficult times, you are loved and cared for, and that even though others might not personally know exactly how you´re feeling and what you´re going through, that they are there for you to offer love and support.
To all those who have known about our loss and have said or done nothing...I understand. I get that it might be difficult for you, that maybe you don´t know what to say or do or how to react. Well let me tell you this...a simple ¨I´m sorry¨ goes a long way. Really. That ´s all you need to say. Or ¨I´ve been thinking about you¨. Or ¨How are you doing?¨ Any of those are appropriate and really are all that´s necessary to show the person that you care.
To all those on Facebook who responded, thank you so much. Even though we might not be close, even though maybe we haven´t spoken in years, your words and thoughts mean the world to me.
To all the wonderful women I have met online (you know who you are)....words cannot express the gratitude I have. You ladies have been my rock the past three months and I probably would be lost without you. You are all amazing and I think about you and pray for you every day. Some of you have similar situations to me and a lot of you have been through so much more than me. I can never imagine your pain or grief or strength. All of you inspire me and give me hope.
To my wonderful, amazing husband...Lord knows how patient and understanding you have been with me. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder, for letting me vent, for knowing when I´m having a bad day, for letting experience all the feelings that I have been experiencing. You are the best and I am truly blessed to have you as my partner for life. You have been so strong throughout all of this and I know you are hurting too. I am here for you always.
And most importantly, I´m thankful to God. He has been by my side each and every day, during good times and bad and I know that will never change. My life would not be the same without Him in it.
If you have made it this far, I thank you for taking the time to hear my story. I ask that if any of you who are reading know someone in your life who has experienced the loss of a child, that you just take two seconds and tell them that you are thinking of them and that you are sorry it happened to them. And I also ask that you be kind to everyone because everyone has a story and is fighting a battle of some sort and just think before you speak.
Lastly, here is the one and only picture I have of Baby Casanova at 6.5 weeks. Mommy and Daddy love you more than words and miss you everyday. We know you are with your Maker in Heaven. Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
My highs for the week:
-We had some more rain, which is very good, considering how much we needed it.
-On Sunday after church one of the guys in the young adult group cooked some delicious food from Oaxaca, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to eat, so I really enjoyed that lunch!
-Abe and I had a date and went to the movies. We saw that new Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise movie. (I don´t even know what it´s called in English, but in Spanish it´s Encuentro Explosivo.) And we have been walking more during the week when he gets home from work, which I enjoy because it gives us a chance to talk a lot and goof off.
My low for the week: This isn´t really specific to this week, but someone who used to be such close friend to me, I just feel that we are really drifting apart. We hardly ever speak or hang out. It´s not like it used to be at all. She has changed so much. I feel like she doesn´t even care about me anymore. I´m trying to be the bigger person and keep up contact and make an effort, but I feel like I don´t get anything in return, and it´s just really frustrating. I pray that we will be able to save our friendship.
Where I saw God: This week I felt God a lot. I don´t know that there was a specific time/place, but just had a feeling that He was next to me and with me a lot this week. Usually when I´m alone, like washing the dishes or something, I can feel Him. And especially in church on Sundays and Wednesdays. Just an overall feeling of His presence this week. :-) Can´t really explain it very well.